“The best thing about memories is making them”
One of humans’ most advanced cognitive abilities is memory. Having a good memory, and being able to make (and remember) happy memories is an important part of well-being.
Why do memories matter?
Memories strengthen our sense of identity and purpose; in a way, our memories define who we are to ourselves. They are our internal autobiography, the story of me, and what what I’ve done with my life. Also, memories tell us who we are connected to and why, and thereby, they help bond our relationships.
“Memories are the architecture of our identity” – Daniel Kahneman .
When we are young, everything is new; experiencing things for the first time can create strong memories. I seem to have more memories (per year) from when I was under 25 years old than since then. I suspect I was more impressionable, my memory was better and I was less stuck in my ego-drama. As we get older, we have to work harder to turn our life experiences into memories and thereby get the benefits of happy memories.
Memory helps us in many practical ways too. For instance memory allows us to learn and retain knowledge, and therefore it can inform our work, relationships and plans for the future.
Good memories are an important ingredient in our current well-being. Unfortunately, the opposite is often true – bad memories of trauma, failure and guilt can badly effect our well-being in the long term. Although, on the positive side, bad memories can allow us to learn resilience as well as learn from our mistakes.
Making memories implies the following:
You are doing memorable things
Most of life is so everyday and it repeats over and over that we hardly notice it. Also, it is impossible to make good memories if you are a couch potato, or stoned, or drunk, or in jail.
Memorable things are not trivial, everyday things. They could be a wedding party or gig, but equally it could be writing a good poem or a having good conversation. People might not have fond memories of mindless entertainment, but they are likely to remember going to see the All Blacks or The Clash.
Travels and holidays are memorable because things are new and not everyday.
You are in the moment, paying attention
To remember something you need to be paying attention. If you are day dreaming or having a fight with yourself inside your head you are not paying attention. You are not really here at all. Being mindful of the moment means that you can take it all in and remember it.
It is not just new things that are memorable. Familiar things can be memorable, too, if we are paying attention.
You are feeling vital
The most important and most memorable times are when you feel most alive and doing what is vital and not trivial. As mentioned you aren’t making good memories wallowing on a couch or doing the same thing over and over.
You remember those times when you get out of your comfort zone and use your innate skills and powers to overcome new challenges.
You have a sense of purpose
Studies show that people with a greater sense of purpose perform better on objective memory tests, like remembering a list of words. So the mechanism of memory itself can be improved by being purposeful and not passive, waiting for things to happen.
You are being an active agent
“You have to fight for your memories and your dreams.”
Part of not being passive is to make memories. There is no doubt that nearly all of my best memories were when I wasn’t being passive.
Of course, wonderful things can happen by accident but generally they don’t. They happen as a side effect of purposeful action. Generally, I find my most memorable times have to do with family, friends, travel, achievements, including a job well done. These were not accidents, I made them.
On the other hand many of my worst memories, the things I really want to forget, happened when I was being passive. So making memories is an active endeavour.
Taking a journey
“Life is a journey and memories are the souvenirs we take along the way.”
Life really is a journey – or it should be. I’m not suggesting that anyone should constantly be on the move but we should be progressing, experiencing new things, learning more about ourselves and each other. The more we do the more we remember.
Quotes about making memories
“The most beautiful things in life are not things; they are moments and memories that we keep close to our hearts forever” – Unknown.
“When you have nothing to remember, life becomes meaningless.” – Unknown.
“Don’t cry because it’s over smile because it happened” – Dr Seuss
“Live in the moment; write it down later.”
” The best things in life are the people we love, the places we’ve been, and the memories we’ve made along the way.” – Unknown.
“Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Unknown.
“The best way to predict the future is to create it” – Peter Drucker
“In the and, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”- Abraham Lincoln
“Memories are the diary we carry with us” – Oscar Wilde